Hi, Islam:

We need to talk. Not a "national conversation," or a free exchange of ideas; more like a come to Jesus meeting. So to speak.

Despite what the leaders of America's Democrat party say, everyone knows that Islamic terrorism has a great deal to do with Islam. It's ludicrous to claim otherwise, especially when Muslim terrorists quote the Quran and praise Allah when they murder innocents. There's no statistically relevant percentage of Americans who believe that Islamic terrorism isn't Islamic. We know it is. We know it. And of that tiny representation of people who toe the left-wing PC line and say that Muslims have nothing to do with Islamic terrorism, none of them are viewed with respect by anyone who really makes this country work. We Americans may be dumb, but we're not stupid.

We've been told that "Islam is a religion of peace" by George W. Bush, but we also know that that's bull. Islam isn't a religion of peace: it has a body count to prove it. But we politely nod when someone mouths that particular bromide because we're polite and because we don't want to say what we really think. It's not worth the bother and you can lose your job if the wrong person hears you making a truthful assertion.

Thing is, pulling out quotes from the Quran to support or undermine arguments as to the relative peacefulness of Islam is a fool's game, because we know that Scripture of any kind can be interpreted any way the interpreter wants. We've already seen our Constitution distorted, twisted, flaked, and shaped to include such things as the right to abortion and free health insurance, so appealing to Islam's rulebook is a non-starter for us. Also, and this is most important, we really don't want to get that deep with you.

You see, we are so sick of having to talk about you every day of the week and twice on Sundays (or the next day an Islamic terrorist murders innocents). We're nice, tolerant people, but we've had enough already. We don't want to talk about you anymore. We want to talk about us, but you're not letting us talk about us, so we have to talk about you, and how to deal with you, and how to not get killed by you, and how to avoid killing more of you than we absolutely need to so we can stave off the next inevitable attack by you. We talk about what you do in America, and we talk about what you do in Paris, and what you do in Iraq and Iran and Afghanistan and Mali and Mumbai and Spain and London and on and on and on.

One thing we really don't care about is the difference between ISIS and ISIL and IS and Al Qaeda and Hezbollah and Hamas and The Muslim Brotherhood and Boko Haram and whatever. We don't want to get that deep with you on that subject either. All we want to know about the various sects of Muslim extremists is how to kill them most efficiently so they don't kill us. Hamas and Fatah and ISIS and Al Qaeda: distinctions without differences. We also don't care if the next POTUS knows the name of ISIS's leader versus whichever humanoid monster is in charge of The Muslim Brotherhood: that's for policy wonks and other mental masturbators to learn. We want to know what our next POTUS is going to do to make sure every last Muslim extremist dies or leaves us alone.

As for you moderate Muslims, we don't trust you. Like the leaders of the Democrat party, you've apparently decided that the fight against Muslim extremists has nothing at all to do with you. That troubles us. If Christian fundamentalists were going into concert halls and killing music lovers while quoting Corinthians, you can be damned sure that every other Christian in this country would loudly, frequently, and publicly denounce these extremist, murderous scum. If Jews were slamming passenger planes into buildings, the rest of the Jews would rally like hell to make sure everyone knew that this was the act of isolated extremists.

But when Muslim radicals commit murder in the name of Islam, what do you moderate Muslims do? Nothing. You let non-Muslim Democrat politicians do your talking for you. You label anyone with reasonable concerns about Islam's incompatibility with Western culture an "Islamophobe." And your most famous organization, CAIR (Council on American-Islamic Relations), is an unindicted co-conspirator in a terrorist funding case. The few Muslim peace rallies we've seen are sparsely attended at best, and too often you blame American foreign policy and Israel for the things Arab Muslims do. We both know that disturbingly high numbers of so-called moderate Muslims believe that sharia law should take precedence over American civil liberties, but you're just daring us to call you on it. Your silence is deafening. We hear it loud and clear.

The thing is, our commitment to leaving our fellow Americans alone is dearly held. We don't want to put you in internment camps like FDR did to the Japanese or register you in secret Muslim databases for spying and data collection. We just don't want to have to think about you. But you make us think about you, because you've decided that Muslim extremism isn't your problem, but ours. Don't you see how hostile that is, how passive-aggressive? Always having to walk on eggshells around you, just in case something we say or do triggers your innate jihadi bitch switch?

Oh, wait: you don't have one? Maybe you should show us that. You don't have to, of course.

See, it's not us: it's you. You're the problem. We don't want to kill you or throw you out or anything like that, but we also don't want to deal with you any longer. You're drama queens, and your psycho bitch sister may just up and knife us. Obviously we'd prefer it if you would just go away. But you won't. And we won't make you.

Just know that we're on to you. Our mouths will make the same noises about how we're not at war with all of Islam, just the radical parts, but in our hearts we all harbor reasonable suspicion about the Muslim time bomb in our midst.

And when it explodes again, we know that you'll just stay silent, relying on an American religious tolerance that's found nowhere in Islam. It's what you do.