Step One: Suck the child's brains out while he or she is still very young and unquestioning.

Step two: Fill the empty area with whatever liberal ideas are currently in vogue.

• It's important to note there is no set age by which you should do this, but you can't afford to wait too long. If you haven't done it by the time the child has started to talk coherently, it's absolutely imperative you do it immediately after the child has shown the warning signs of developing any common sense.

• The child may initially reject some of which you try to tell him or her, but this is easily overcome by repetition. Just keep repeating your beliefs over and over, and, as soon as the child hears the same things coming from a teacher, the process will be complete. A properly developed liberal mind never requires more than two sources saying the same thing to accept the statements must be true. Once this acceptance has occurred the opposition could provide hundreds of examples proving the belief is mistaken and the liberal mentality would automatically discard them.

PS: Life to America! *

* Please excuse me. I realize that last thought may create a mental disconnect in some of the more enlightened minds out there, so, if I may, allow me to offer this one caveat - If you already have a fully developed liberal attitude, feel free to say, "Life to the new America" instead. I apologize profusely for any distress my insensitive love of country may have inflicted upon your feelings.